That girl
by Zero-A.C
Summary: There are some things Ford doesn't want to remember, but for some reason those are always the things that he just can't forget. Cruller-centric one-shot.


_Disclaimer: Ford and everything else from Psychonauts mentioned here are not mine! But I claim the twins xgx._

_Author's note: I know I should do other things then writing and posting fanfictions, like learning (ha, yeah, right, because I always do that). But there are times when everything is already too late, like today and so I thought: "Why not?" and the story was already written. So here you go! I think this is one of the few Ford Cruller centric -maybe even the first- ff on this site. I am not sure. Please read and enjoy!_

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That girl

While he is standing in front of the observation room, watching over the brainless children, Ford tries not to think about a lot of things.

He tries not to think about how he is stuck here in his sanctuary and his cell, and he tries not to think about how Headquarters won't listen to him. He tries to think about Razputin and how much talent the boy has; that there actually is a chance that this boy can rescue all of them.

He tries not to think about that girl, Lili Zanotto. Instead he tries to think about Sasha and Milla and what happened to them. He tries to think about the other children and what will happen to them. But inevitably one part of his mind wanders back to the young red headed girl. He doesn't want to think about her too much, and certainly he doesn't want to think about her as Lili or as Miss Zanotto (as Sasha would call her) or… He takes a deep breath and in this moment Raz calls him with a piece of bacon - _Hmmm bacon - _and he can stop thinking for a while.

Between helping Raz and recranilazing the brains of the children, he finds his thoughts wander back to the little girl that is held captive; the only one that still has her brain. He always catches himself in time, before his thoughts can wander too far, and he gets too worried about her. There are other people he has to worry about, the other children, Raz and the two agents he would at times call his children.

But it is hard, even in his shattered and defocused brain, not to think about that girl. The thoughts about her are not the ones he fears, but the thoughts that trail in their wake: thoughts of the first Lili. Beautiful, cynical and dangerous, just like this new girl. She was his first partner and the first girl he ever loved. Not that the love had ever been returned, she had been too set on someone else. He had never thought that someone like her wouldn't get the man she wanted, but she wasn't the one who married Bob Zanotto. That was her twin sister, Rose (_what was it with the flower names?_), who looked so much like her, but who was so different in character: sweet, soft and calm.

Again he is called by Razputin who needs to regroup back at HQ and after this he has to send the boy back to the Asylum. But before he does, he watches how the boy tries to convince some of the other camp kids into helping him rescue Lili and the world, without success.

Slowly some memories come back to him; memories he doesn't want to recall, like his partner's red hair being drenched with blood, her skin being paler and colder then usual and those intense brown eyes being lifeless. But it all comes back to him in pieces and he remembers a lot of things he had sworn himself to forget. Like Rose's tears at the funeral and Bob Zanotto not being there afterwards, or the feeling of red hair beneath his fingers and him being closer to the girl he loved than he had ever been. Ford knows that he is lucky that the boy who was born nine month later looks so much like his mother, like his aunt.

Then there are those memories of Bob Zanotto calling for him because Truman had managed to get hurt and needed a blood transfusion, how he, Ford, tried to say that he was sorry and the sad smile on Bob's lips. "It's okay, I knew it couldn't have been me." And then Bob's eyes as he tells Ford something that he will never forget. "But don't forget, he is _my_ son."

Ford never doubted it. Truman was Bob Zanotto's son through and through.

He sees it in the boy's actions and in the way headquarters treats him since his fateful battle, with the exception of Milla and Sasha. He sees it as well in the way Lili Zanotto looks down on him and ignores him. Like she blames him for losing his mind and that he is still called the best grand head of all time, while her grandfather has done as much as he did to deserve this title. Like it is his fault that her father has to work a lot harder then Ford ever did just to get the respect of his agents, and still agents like Sasha and Milla stay loyal to Ford instead of Truman. Like it is his fault that her father spends so little time with her: the job of being the grand head of the Psychonauts is a hard and time-consuming one, even without standing in the shadow of the best grand head of all time.

But nothing can be done about this and so he tries not to think about it at all. He tries to think of her as just another child that visits Whispering Rock.

He tries not to worry about her more then he worries about the other children, or Razputin, or Milla and Sasha.

He tries, and most of the time it works, but there are some moments when he fails miserably and then he tries harder.

He tries harder to think of her as just another girl; not his only granddaughter.

END

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_Author's note: Honestly, when I started to write a fanfiction about Ford, it was a romance story, but I got tired of it and decided to write something shorter about his view on the whole brain-stealing situation and how useless he became. Then it ended as this! Really, I never even meant to put Lili into this, but then I just had to play Psychonauts to get some ideas and this happened...xarghx...I blame it on Ford for calling Lili 'that girl'. Well hope you liked it. As always constructive criticism is appreciated and if you find any mistakes, please return them to me, so they don't get lost!_

_Special thanks to Mongoose, who beta-read the whole story for me xsmilex._


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